#70 Self-Confidence

I am not going to talk about self-confidence working in the kitchen, going for a walk, or learning to perform a new task. I want to talk about confidence when speaking to another person. Whether it’s the receptionist in a doctor’s office, the taxi driver, or someone at a party, people connect with their eyes. Then, when they connect or have the attention of someone they want to speak to, they start talking. But if you have lost your sight, it’s painful to not have this kind of connection.

Hannah Fairbairn in her book When You Can’t Believe Your Eyes – Vision Loss & Personal Recovery offers many many practical tips for dealing with vision loss.  

The author suggests ways to learn confidence when it feels like all is lost. She describes how often confidence takes a nosedive when someone talks down to you because you are blind. Some people adopt an adult-to-child manner of speaking.

People often don’t understand the needs of someone who is blind. They might guess and their guesses are off-base. Many people will avoid talking at all to someone who has a white cane. What would I say? What if I say the wrong thing?  These and other questions can cause someone to avoid all interactions.

If talking to someone who has never talked to anyone with low vision, assertiveness is needed. How in the world does one become assertive? One way is to share our needs. This means being very specific and giving someone directions on how they can be helpful.

If, with sight, you were always the one to help, when the situation is reversed, it can feel very uncomfortable to ask for help.

If someone wants to help you by grabbing your arm, say, “May I take your elbow?” When an explanation is needed, you can explain you want to follow their lead, rather than lead.

If someone says, “Here are steps,” and you don’t know if they go up or down, ask.

When someone approaches you and you have no idea who it is, ask. “Who is this please?” If this is hard for you to say, practice in the shower. It will become easier with practice. And with luck, the person will remember to tell you the next time.

With vision loss, you sometimes have to refuse help or refuse to let another person decide for you. “No. I don’t want to sit down. I prefer to . . .”

“Will you tell me when my drink is on the counter?” “Is there someone who can help me find ladies’ underwear?” “Will you tell me when it’s my turn?”

All these questions become easier with practice.