"A New Me" Blog

I have strong faith, with a lot of trust. Doesn’t that mean automatic peace? I know God is in control – of all things, including my future. So, where is my peace? Is peace a choice, like joy? I can look back and see many times when God worked in my life. That  comforts me, […]

I want to feel like my old self again. That won’t happen because I am a new self. The old self is no more. I miss that old self and grieve for it. The old self had a simpler life. This new self has a complicated life, thinking about a disease that happens to other […]

I feel like I’m walking around in a fog. My emotions are flat. My brain waves feel like they must be flat. Someone tells me a joke and I wonder, “Why do they think it’s funny?” I used to have a sense of humor. Not now. A good friend dies and I can’t seem to […]

I go to bed thinking about IT. I wake up thinking about IT. I can’t stand thinking about IT and at the same time, can’t stop thinking about IT. Is IT growing? How dizzy will I be today? What’s going to happen to my hearing? Will I need treatment? Where will I go for treatment? What […]

I never used to question Romans 8:28. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. But this? How is this tumor working for my good? If I had the answer to that question, I might be able to accept […]

I remember when we were trying to get pregnant. Every twenty-eight days I cried my eyes out. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t get pregnant. All the tests kept coming back normal. It reached a point where the doctors wanted to repeat the tests. Somehow I knew then that God’s plan for us didn’t include pregnancy. But why? The […]

My depression must be getting worse. I can’t stop crying. Some days I don’t seem to feel anything at all – no joy, no grief, no love, no compassion, no nothing. Other days, my emotions overwhelm me. The overwhelming emotions are confusion, sadness, and fear of the unknown. It amazes me what can cause my tears to flow. And […]

This sounds selfish, but I can only handle so much. Yesterday, when I heard of someone else’s trouble, my reaction stunned me. I wanted so badly to say, “Forget it. Don’t tell me that right now. This isn’t good timing. I can’t deal with anything else.” Is this what is called “anger”? My plate is filled to over-flowing […]

I am really having trouble staying focused. My short-term memory is non-existent. I decide to have a cup of tea and walk in the kitchen. Something grabs my attention and I forget about the hot water in the microwave. Maybe ten minutes later I think of it. Or forget it completely. Today I made a list of things […]

I don’t want to worry myself sick about this. When will I learn not to fret and worry about tomorrow? Or this evening? Or this afternoon? Or the next hour? I seem to find more things to worry about than ever before. I especially worry about whether or not my tumor is growing? If it is, I will need […]