Step #5 – Why?

The phone rang. In a calm voice the neurologist said, “You have a brain tumor. It is benign, but you need surgery.”

That’s all I heard. I don’t know what else she said. I hung up in shock. Brain surgery? No!

I had had my gall bladder removed about five years before and had a rough time. I was supposed to have the surgery and come home the same day. It didn’t happen. I couldn’t wake up and every time I opened my eyes, I got sick. Four days later I was discharged – in pain with little appetite. If my body couldn’t handle gall bladder surgery, how in the world could I survive brain surgery?

I called my primary doctor. She had the dimensions of the tumor. 1.7 cm by 9 mm.

“Is that big?” I asked.

“Deb,” she said, “you’re my first patient to have an acoustic neuroma. I don’t even know if it is considered big. I do know who I want you to see.”

My husband had discovered the tumor is on the list of rare diseases, but it still surprised me to hear my doctor’s words. She referred me to a large city hospital otolaryngologist.

Dear God,

I can’t make sense of this. You don’t need to grab my attention this way. Plus, your timing stinks. Why me? Amen.

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand. 

Isaiah 41:10

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