#30 Knots with Purpose

One of the biggest things I have learned about this type of rare tumor – because it is rare, it’s important to see doctors who have treated many patients with it. And that means not a couple of dozen, but hundreds. This is true for both surgery and radiation. In other words, it’s important  to go to doctors at a center of excellence. It’s not always necessary to go in person. With the use of computers and images, doctors can often give their advice and input over the phone.

I couldn’t believe my ears when the doctor the HMO wanted me to see told me he hadn’t treated enough AN patients to have statistics! Yet I learned why I felt like I should follow the HMO recommendation and see him. He made one statement that stuck with me: “Why treat your tumor if it’s not growing and your symptoms are getting better?” 

That made a lot of sense to me. For sure, it’s not the way I would have handled this mess, but it gave me peace.

I found it interesting that I didn’t feel nudged to appeal the HMO decision. I did feel a nudge to change health care plans. We did that. I needed to have a plan B on the back burner should it be necessary. Currently my plan B is radiation, but I don’t know where. God will direct me if and when it should be necessary.

I’m remembering the beautiful tapestry factory we visited in Spain many year ago. When you looked at the side with all the knots, it appeared to be a mishmash that didn’t make any sense at all. But when you walked around to the other side you could see a beautiful tapestry. Each knot had its purpose. The image of that tapestry has stayed in my mind. The knots in my life have purpose, too.

Looking carefully at the front of the tapestry you can see the workers on the back side. Looking at the bottom of the back side you can see all the various colors of yarn.

It’s frustrating to not know the purpose of each knot. It’s our human nature to ask why, why, why? That’s where trust comes in. The God who created this world and the people in it has a purpose for each knot. He’s in charge and we can trust and believe he will be with us in all the knots in our lives.

*****

Dear God,

Please forgive me when I try to tell you how to handle things.

I trust you to put the knots in my life together in a way that serves you. Amen.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me.”  Jeremiah 29:11-13