#24 New Thoughts

I go to bed thinking about IT. I wake up thinking about IT. I can’t stand thinking about IT and at the same time, can’t stop thinking about IT.

Is IT growing? How dizzy will I be today? What’s going to happen to my hearing? Will I need treatment? Where will I go for treatment? What kind of treatment? When?

All these thoughts, so much of the time can’t be mentally healthy. My thoughts need a vacation = a different direction today. It’s as if I’m on a sailboat and I need to change my direction. And I can feel the gentle roll of the boat just thinking about it. That’s the tumor. One branch of the acoustic nerve involves balance.

The research is wearing me out. The computer is a great research tool, but I think I have gone overboard in the amount of research. Sometimes I wish we were back in the days when our research consisted of looking something up in the encyclopedia. No. That’s not true. I’m glad it’s possible to study the treatments, the hospitals who offer those treatments, the doctors who perform those treatments, and the reviews.

Reading a book was an escape for me, taking me to a new world. Now I can’t seem to concentrate. I can’t keep track of the characters. My thoughts return to this tumor. Why God? Why am I having to deal with this?

Television shows don’t work either. I can’t seem to follow the plot. Most movies have too much action for me. That means I get dizzy, light headed, and off balance. Now I just watch “quiet” movies without a lot of action.

Anything that involves head movement from side to side bothers me. I have to be careful where I sit to avoid moving my head. And I get tired so easily.

*****

Readers: What do you do when you want to change your thought patterns?

*****

Heavenly Father,

Please help me to not think about my health this entire day. Help me to focus on something else, something that doesn’t involve research. Amen. 

You will have courage because you will have hope. You will be protected and will rest in safety. Job 11:18