#19 Concentration

I am really having trouble staying focused. My short-term memory is non-existent. I decide to have a cup of tea and walk in the kitchen. Something grabs my attention and I forget about the hot water in the microwave. Maybe ten minutes later I think of it. Or forget it completely.

Today I made a list of things I wanted to get done. It feels good to cross something off the list, but I keep having the feeling when I’m doing something, I really should be doing something else. To make matters worse, I can’t seem to remember if I did something that I meant to do.

I decide to escape with reading, reading that doesn’t involve anything related to acoustic neuromas. At one time I loved reading fiction, especially a good mystery. I can’t even remember the last mystery I read.

Now I read a few pages and put the book down. Next I surf the internet about the different treatments. Then I start reading everybody’s comments and get confused.

Do patients only comment when unhappy with their treatment, outcome, or doctor? Perhaps the patients who have had good outcomes don’t feel led to share that with others.

Is this what it feels like to go crazy? I feel like I’m going crazy.

*****

Readers: It’s so scary to feel like your’re going crazy. Ever feel that way? What did you do about it?

*****

Dear God,

Help me to focus on one thing at a time. I want to follow your will for my life. Does my to-do list match what you want me to do?

I have so many thoughts running through my mind I can’t hear what you might be trying to tell me. Help my mind to be still. Help me to remember you are in charge so all is well. Amen.

Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall. Psalm 55:22